Ok! So I'm feeling better about things. I'm just cracked the fuck out at this point. My dumbass slept all day now it's 1 am and I'm never gonna sleep. I wish I could right how I'm feeling... but for some reason the words just aren't coming to me. I'm a whole mix of emotions right now. Mad, angry, sad, hurt, happy, confused... and so on and so on. Mostly it's the anxiety that's getting to me right now. I wish I could just lock myself up in my room and never come out. That way noone could hurt me. I feel like I need to have my guard up more now than ever. I'm just too suseptible to having my feelings hurt. And feelings hurt = major pain! That's what it is. Fear of being hurt. I'm so worried about getting hurt that I'm slowly cutting off the outside world. I really do stay in my "cave" all the time. But that's my sanctuary from the storm. My space, and people can't hurt me in my space. My room really is my defence agains that rest of the world. And it's really sad that I feel like I have to be on the defencive! I will never understand human nature. I have never gone out of my way to hurt people, unless they hurt me first. And isn't that just karma. So is it their bad karma or mine? Because I guess I put out just as much negativity as the next. Confustion is my least favorite emotion. I think people should just tell people how they feel. If I love someone I let them know, *unless I'm pretty sure all I'll get in return is a rejection.* and if I hate you, trust you'll know that too! If I'm indifferent... then I won't pay you the mind. I just wish people could be as cut and dry as I am when it comes to others...

till next time

peace and love,
~dita

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