I hate it. I hate how weird stuff has gotten between us. It sucks so much. Actually I just feel weirdness from everyone! I just need to avoid all guys who's names begin with J! So why do they keep appearing to me!?!? I swear it's my sign that I'm never going to find a guy who treats me well. EVER! Like I said yesterday, it's like just when I feel a slight twinge of happiness... they ruin it. Or maybe I do! I'm so unsure of everything that's going on. I feel lost and torn. I can't find which way is up and what is down. I feel like I'm falling down a long tunnel and the light at the end just won't appear. It's endless. There is no sunshine anymore. It's faded. It's all blackness. I don't feel dispare. Because to dispare is to be in the absense of God. And I don't feel that way anymore. But I still feel this utter confusion. Maybe I should study Confusionism. Maybe that will make sense to me. I'll start talking in ancient Chinese proverbs and freak the fuck out of everyone. Like I need to do something to distance me anymore than I've already done. I used to be so into having people around. It just got so fucking old. And I'm not too sure how. Anyway, I think I'm keeping Jeff and Jonathan awake.

Till then...

peace and love,
Dita

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