This is an email between me and one of my best friends. I think it tells you where I am at this point of my life.
Hey Chick,
Ok so this is totally weird and I have to tell you or I'm gonna explode! I can't stop thinking about HIM. It's weird, it feels wrong, but it's putting a big ole smile on my face. I'd never act on it, we're too close, our families are too close and our brothers are way too close. LOL! It's been a really long time since I've thought about anyone but Larry*. And my week long Beach Week crush on Olly* doesn't count! HA HA! I find myself actually leaving the house. Weird huh? Well I think it's good for me. I ended up over at Tim's* the other night. Of course I pull up a chair between Steve* and Sam* and sit across from him. I kept finding myself looking up everytime I said something to see if he was paying attention. Then I caught myself and quit as soon as I started. I'll never be able to tell anyone but you, Stizzle*, and Chizzle* about this. I have to keep this as secret as a crush as I can. That word again, Crush. Wonder how this will end? Why can't I find some nice guy who likes me as much as I like him? Where there are no strings attached, no confusion? Sometimes I actually get jealous of everyone who is settling down. I've given up on love, but sometimes I think it might be nice. I just seriously don't think I can take getting my heart broken again. NOT again I refuse!
So there you go... oh yeah and names* have been changed to protect the clueless... LOL!
