Ok it's official, I've hit an all time low. I hate feeling like this. I haven't felt this way in so long. It's like the desperation I'm feeling is eating me. I'm trying so hard to look at the good in life, but I just can't find anything good. I hate this time of year. I swear I suffer from seasonal depression. The easiest way to say this is I hate myself. I really truly hate myself right now. I hate that I'm not normal, that I'm fatter again, that I seem to have no social life, I'm fearing I'm going to be alone and poor for the rest of my life, I just want to leave and never come back. How far can you get in ice with $28 and a broke ass car!?!? NO WHERE! That's what I feel right now, I'm going no where. I have nothing to look forward to except going to the hospital. I'm never going to be thin again, because I can't get out of bed, let alone get my ass to the gym. I lost over 75lbs. And I've gained almost all of it back because I just can't move anymore. Am I destined to be huge for the rest of my life? I was trying to find a good picture of me for some motivation. I don't own any. I HATE MYSELF!

till later
~dita

last - next