Yep, still not sleeping like normal... which totally sucks. But hey, whatever. Life lately has been so weird. I had a crush on a boy. That turned out horribly. But I can actually say for the first time in my life, I got out before it got too deep. It was bullshit, chalk it up to a HUGE beachweek mistake that followed me home. He's cool, just younger than me, and well we know how that goes. All in all I'm just tryin to keep myself healthy. Which with all this rain is getting harder everyday. I found out that my disease has progressed to stage 4... the last and final stage. I just keep waking up everyday saying I'm not gonna let this get me. But somewhere in the back of my mind I still can't believe that I could wake up anyday and not be able to walk ever again. It's so strange, but somehow it's so surreal. Everytime I go to the doctor's office I'm waiting for them to tell me that this is getting better. I know it's not. But for some reason I feel that I can will it away. I've gotten so used to being in pain all of the time that it's like second nature now. Sometimes I forget because I'm so used to the constant pain on my left side. I'm still fully able to use my arms, and they aren't shaking as much as they used to. After the news, I've had this overwhelming feeling that I need to use my legs as much as possible till they just fall off. Even if it does hurt, I want to jump, skip, run, dance, and especially walk as much as possible. From here on out I think even that little bit of laziness is gonna be gone. You want a drink from the kitchen... Dita's on it!
I think another reason why I don't stress a lot is because it hurts me more and because I have some of the most amazing friends. It's taken quite a few years to weed out the bad seeds and the saying that if you can count your true friends on one hand then you are lucky, is very very very TRUE! Becca is my Becca as always. I've rekindled an old childhood friendship. Terri and I've known eachother since birth and the reason we stopped talking was because we were both trying to hide our partying ways in HS. Low and behold we could have been partying together. She has a little girl, Kayla, who is 3. I adore the child. I'm her Dita and she's my Beautiful Princess Girl. We play dressup, we like to spin around and watch our dresses twirl, and playing pirates at Nana's will always be one of my favorite memories. Spending time with Terri and Kayla makes me so happy. The simplicity of a child's view of the world gives you hope for the future. But I already feel this need to protect Kay from all the bad things in the world. Funny quick story... Kayla is in the front yard and Terri is telling her to stay away from the road. I look at Terri and say... watch her, people don't steal ugly kids. HA HA HA HA HA HA! I don't think you understand how beautiful this child is. Alisha is moving home here, oh, in about 24 hours. Things in Florida have gotten to be crazy, and for some reason, she's chosen Hopewell. None of us worry, here in a few months, Hopewell will be a long lost memory. I'm actually really excited to have my sister back around here again.
I've found a new sense of honesty. I want the truth all the time, and I just don't believe there is any reason to lie to anyone anymore. In fact my honesty gets me in trouble. I think it's my harshness that comes out when I'm being so honest. I've come to find that it's just much easier for me to speak my mind no matter how much it may hurt. The truth hurts sometimes, but wouldn't you rather hear that then pretty lies!?!?
Well that's a quick update... more to come.
Peace and Love,
Dita
